Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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