dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm bleeding and have questions
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
