You smell like stripper and shame
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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