How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
