sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
