She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
