Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
