Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
