One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think people are normalizing furries
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
