Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
