he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
