organizing the empties. That sober.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
