A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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