And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
