i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
