I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
