If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
