i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
