You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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