Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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