did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
