I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was CRYING into my vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
