Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
