It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
