he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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