In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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