the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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