you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
