So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
