If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
tell me about the eggs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
