she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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