i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
