It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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