I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
