I will die if light touches me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
