I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
