well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
