Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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