I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
