You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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