can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
