Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
