that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
