Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
