i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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