He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
