Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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