she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
