I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
