Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
