dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
two words...techno handjob
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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