I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
