last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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