doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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