Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
