Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
