thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
