woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What a dumb baby whore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
