Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
