Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
