he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
third nipple confirmed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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