would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
