make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
