There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
