She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
