Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
