remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize