i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
