He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize