Don't make out with my wife yet
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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