I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
